Loving Guidance
By Gayle, HJ Participant
I left my home with only a few clothes and my medications. A few days later, in my desperate internet search for domestic abuse services, God led me to ARMS. I immediately called the ARMS office and learned of the free Her Journey classes that are offered. Free was key. I had no funds. I was connected to a Zoom group meeting that very afternoon. The group leader was gentle, compassionate and loving. God had answered my cries for help. I am still part of that weekly group.
During my long-term marriage, my Christian husband never laid a hand on me. I did not know I was being abused. A few years back my eyes began opening to the fact that I was being abused. I prayed a hundred times for a physical beating so that I would be believed. By my Christian counselor. By my pastors. By family and friends. Highly respected in his chosen profession, his public persona was that of a godly man, church elder and loving husband. He was (and still is) beloved by my family members and friends. Beloved! Behind closed doors, he was a controlling (both overt and covert) abuser. Emotional. Financial. Psychological. Sexual. Spiritual. The abuse had started on our honeymoon.
For decades, I had begged God to heal my marriage and mold me into the Christian wife He wanted me to be. God seemed silent. Severe depression and a growing list of health conditions plagued me. My marriage was literally killing me.I saw death as my only way to escape. Where was God? Did He care? Then God, in His mercy, provided the way of escape. Leading me, one step at a time, through a vicious divorce process, with months of continued abuse from my now ex-husband, and beyond, into a future that God has lovingly prepared for me.
The healing journey is a process. Relationships with church family, my own family, and friends have been lost. Decades of abuse and relational trauma have profoundly affected my body, brain and nervous system. PTSD. Multiple chronic health conditions including immune disorders. The spiritual abuse has caused me to question everything I thought I knew about God. So much scripture has been used as a weapon against me. Bad church theology only enabled the abuse. My faith has been shaken to the core.
What I most appreciate about the ARMS Her Journey program is how I have been lovingly met at whatever point I am currently at in my healing journey. I am not forced to skip ahead to the “forgive and move forward” stage—akin to slapping a band aid on a hemorrhaging artery. Instead, I am encouraged to acknowledge and address the EFFECTS the abuse has had on my body and soul. I am a work in progress. God is healing me from the inside out, peeling back the wounded layers and gently performing surgery on my soul.
Wooing me back to Him by showing me His true heart for women and all those who are oppressed. The ARMS Her Journey program is walking alongside me. Reminding me of God’s truth. Encouraging me. Praying for me. Cheering me on. Being Jesus’ ARMS to me.
ARMS has committed to keep this program free nationally and internationally to women who have experience domestic abuse. Your GIFTS matter. It’s through your generosity that ARMS is able to continue these services in seven countries and five languages. Your monthly pledge or one time generous donation can be the difference between life and death for women like Gayle.