This is designed to help you evaluate whether you are experiencing abuse.
Remember: Your partner may have rationale for why they are being abusive, but reasons and rationals never excuse abuse. It is NEVER your fault if someone abuses you. All forms of abuse cause emotional harm, which is often the hardest to understand and heal from. Recent studies also show that children in the home with emotional abuse, even if it is not directed towards them, have much higher cases of PTSD, anxiety and learning issues.
Think about the following-
- Has your partner often seemed irritated or angry with you, although you never meant to upset them? Have you felt confused by their anger?
- Have you frequently felt perplexed and frustrated by your partner’s responses because you can’t get them to understand your intentions?
- Has your partner acted jealous or possessive of you? Have they accused you of having affairs or paying too much attention to others?
- Has your partner made you feel like you are mostly wrong and they are always right?
- Has your partner denied (I never did that), minimized (It wasn’t that bad) or justified their abuse (I wouldn’t have done that if you wouldn’t have done this)?
- Have you felt like you are always walking on eggshells? have you felt like you have to be especially careful to avoid conflicts?
- Has your partner called you bad names and put you down?
- Has your partner given you angry glares or looks that scare you?
- Has your partner controlled what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?
- Has your partner deterred you from relationships with your friends or family?
- Has your partner controlled the money: withhold financial information, keep you from working, take your money, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
- Has your partner defined your feelings, opinions, needs, or wants?
- Has your partner attempted or force you to have sex against your will?
- Has your partner told you you’re a bad parent and/or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
- Has your partner acted like the abuse is no big deal, or like it’s all your fault, or even deny doing it?
- Has your partner followed you, shown up uninvited or wouldn’t leave when asked? Has your partner gone through your things, mail, email, text or social media?
- Has your partner destroyed property (hit, kicked doors, walls, furniture, thrown items, broken things. etc.)?
- Has your partner threatened to harm, or has harmed or killed a family pet?
- Has your partner intimidated or threatened you with guns, knives or other weapons? Has your partner ever used a weapon to control or harm you?
- Has your partner intimidated you, shoved, slapped, pinched kicked, restrained, hit or choked you?
- Has your partner convinced or manipulated you to drop charges or a restraining/protective order?
- Has your partner threatened to commit suicide?
- Has your partner threatened to kill you or your family?
Domestic violence and abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain and maintain power and control in an intimate relationship. If you are experiencing a pattern of behaviors described from this list, you may be in an abusive relationship.
Below is some helpful info. DO NOT DOWNLOAD if your computer is accessible to your abuser. Please go to a library or somewhere safe to download and/or print.
You are never deserving of abuse and you are deeply loved by God. Please call us today at 503-846-9284 or 866-262-9284. You can also email us if your email is secure.