What Does Their Behavior Show?

• Does your partner often seemed irritated or angry with you, although you never meant to upset them? Do you feel confused by their anger?
• Have you frequently felt perplexed and frustrated by your partner’s responses because you can’t get them to understand your intentions?
• Has your partner acted jealous or possessive of you?
• Have they accused you of having affairs or paying too much attention to others?
• Does your partner make you feel like you are mostly wrong and they are always right?

Do They Deny or Minimize Their Actions?

• Has your partner denied (I never did that), minimized (It wasn’t that bad) or justified their abuse (I wouldn’t have done that if you wouldn’t have done this)?
• Have you felt like you are always walking on eggshells? Are you especially careful to avoid conflicts?
• Does your partner call you bad names and put you down?
• Do they give you angry glares or looks that scare you?
• Has your partner controlled what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?
• Have they deterred or discouraged you from relationships with your friends or family?
• Does your partner control the money: withhold financial information, keep you from working, take your money, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

Do They Tell You What You Should Feel?

• Has your partner defined your feelings, opinions, needs, or wants?
• Does your partner attempt or force you to have sex against your will?
• Has your partner manipulated or coerced you for sex?
• Does your partner tell you you’re a bad parent and/or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
• Has your partner acted like the abuse is no big deal, or like it’s all your fault, or even denied doing it?
• Have they followed you, shown up uninvited or refused to leave when asked?
• Has your partner gone through your things, mail, email, text or social media?

Do They Hurt Property or Hurt You?

• Has your partner destroyed property (hit, kicked doors, walls, furniture, thrown items, broken things. etc.)?
• Does your partner threaten to harm, or has harmed or killed a family pet?
• Has your partner intimidated or threatened you with guns, knives or other weapons?
• Has your partner ever used a weapon to control or harm you?
• Have they intimidated you, shoved, slapped, pinched kicked, restrained, hit or choked you?
• Has your partner convinced or manipulated you to drop charges or a restraining/protective order?
• Does your partner threaten to commit suicide?
• Has your partner threatened to kill you or your family?

Domestic violence and abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain and maintain power and control in an intimate relationship. If you are experiencing a pattern of behaviors described from this list, you may be in an abusive relationship.

Below is some helpful info. DO NOT DOWNLOAD if your computer is accessible to your abuser. Please go to a library or somewhere safe to download and/or print.

Abusive Behaviors Checklist

Types of Abuse Chart

15 Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Narcissism in Abuse

We often field questions about narcissism and we know, after over 27 years of working with both abusers and the abused, that all abusers show narcissistic behaviors. Narcissism, as a personality disorder, does not excuse abuse. Even a narcissist is still choosing certain behaviors that are abusive. They are still in control of their behavior, which is based on deep beliefs that it is okay to use controlling behaviors.

What About Alcohol and Drug Use?

Alcohol and drugs also do not excuse abusive behaviors. There are people who choose to use substances but are never abusive. Alcohol and drugs do lower inhibition. The person using abusive behavior (even when inebriated) is choosing this behavior based on their (skewed) beliefs.

What is Her Journey?

Her Journey is a free, healing, faith-based program held nationwide, internationally and virtually to help survivors/victims of abuse to heal. Training is available to those interested in leading. The program is held in community buildings, churches, shelters, permanency centers and in varied other ministries. The curriculum is also used for Small Group studies and Women’s Sunday School Classes. With this program, we have helped thousands of women to heal from the past or current abuse in their life and move on to thriving and abundant lives.

We also hold abuse intervention programs for both women and men who have chosen to act (or react) in abusive manners. Please call us at 503-846-9284 for more information about our programs.