My abuse to my wife was pretty significant early on. One night while we were out, I felt she wasn’t listening to me and refused to leave when I wanted her to, so I drug her out by her arm and her hair.

I Blamed The Abuse on Alcohol

But still continued drinking. I thought it would be different the next time and that I could control it.

The daily abuse I’ve done over the past 12 years to my wife has been devastating to her. I have always been controlling, critical, never accountable, and never thoughtful. Unless it was to get me out of trouble. I put her and my family through hell.

One night I chose to drink as much as I could as fast as I could. This would give me the excuse to act on my negative thinking. I became belligerent and made a scene. Once home, I screamed in her face, belittling her, accusing and badgering her. She had done nothing to deserve this.

She Tried to Call For Help

My wife wanted to leave or call for help but I wasn’t going to let that happen. I unplugged the home phones and took her cell phone, going through her call and text logs. Anything to justify my abusive actions would be helpful. I took her keys then busted the doors, and punched holes in the walls. Knocked the glass shower door off the frames. Then I restrained her, palmed her face and shoved her down on the bed. I made sure she wasn’t going to leave and I wasn’t going to jail.

She will never forgive me for this.

I made my way into the kitchen to get my shotgun. While she was standing in front of me I jacked in a shell and put the gun up to my chin and asked her if she wanted me out of her life for good.

I pulled the trigger but it did not fire.

A counselor sent me to ARMS. I wish I would have found ARMS sooner but I am thankful I found it when I did. The event was my wakeup call and ARMS has provided me with understanding, accountability and solutions.

I Did Not See Myself As Abusive

ARMS helped me identify the abuse I’ve done on all levels and gave me tools to help me be non-abusive. I have been in ARMS for over a year now and the change and growth is simply amazing.

I had no real idea of what growth looked like for a person like me. Didn’t know how to change. I could not identify what I was doing wrong and how to stop it. It was hard to swallow that I was abusive. I now have tools to respond to my emotions, rather than react.

It’s really hard to change. Change has not been easy. I have made mistakes. I am trying hard every day to make better choices and live a different way.

To ARMS I want to say thank you for not giving up on us men and providing a place for us to be honest and accountable about the choices we’ve made in life. Being new to faith in God, I am also thankful for the spiritual guidance you have given me as well.

-name withheld