At the age of 12 my parents divorced, and that started my journey into dysfunction. I was an unruly teenager, who no one could control. I never went to school, and began using alcohol and drugs. Partying happened on a regular basis.

Manipulation Got Me What I Wanted

I discovered out that lying, manipulating and having a loud voice got me what I wanted. My first marriage turned violent, the more drugs we consumed the crazier things got. I quickly learned how to verbally strike back. I eventually left him.

My life didn’t get any better. I continued using and partying. Now a a full-blown alcoholic and meth addict, I verbally and psychologically abused others on a regular basis.

On May 13 of that year, I experienced a moment of clarity. In despair I prayed, “God get me out of all this. I don’t want to die this way.” I found my way back to God and started working forward to a better life for me and my children.

Life did get better.

Our Life Was a Fairy Tale

I married again and we started a business, and had our boys. It was a fairy tale, to the outside world. At home it was a different story. I knew about physical and verbal abuse but I had no idea what I lived with was considered abuse. Thought it was me. Was I crazy? He told me that all our problems came from my issues.

I found out he was cheating and I chose to slap him, scream, curse and use my car to scare him. I was arrested for menacing. Two weeks before this, I found myself praying for God to do whatever it took to turn me into the woman He intended for me to be.

Didn’t realize that this arrest was part of the plan.

I was ordered to attend ARMS Virtue program and was pretty unhappy about it. I thought it was some court-ordered class of nonsense. After trying everything to get out of it, I became resistant and closed minded. Attendance only happened because I had no choice.

During the intake, I clearly remember saying, “I don’t belong here, I did what I did because of what my husband did.”

I Realized I’m Not Crazy

Several weeks into it, I started to really work the program. There were abusive patterns in me and also in my husband. I noticed how poorly I was treating others, including my family.

It was time to get honest and really look at me. To be accountable on a daily basis to my behaviors and reactions. I looked at my past pain and feelings of rejection, abandonment, and not feeling important.

There was a lesson on effects of past relationships and how we can sometimes repeat dysfunctional patterns. The change needed to begin with me. I had to show my daughter how she should be treated and show my sons how to treat a woman. Diving more into the program, I now applied it to every area of my life. I began to recognize my warning signs, which helped me to stop and choose to handle myself differently.

Coming to the ARMS Virtue program has all been part of God’s plan. There’s still work to do but I am on the right path. Today I’m thankful for what I gained from ARMS. I have people who love me and tell me the truth.

I like my life today.

-T.Reeves