My first marriage lasted seven years. I honestly believed I was a good person, husband, and father. But in reality many of my behaviors were extremely unhealthy and hurtful. In the final parenting plan, I was required to complete a court-approved domestic violence intervention program.

For a long time, I refused to go and tried to get the court to move forward without it. I did not believe the court had a right to impose this on me since I had not been abusive.

Power and control seemed to me to be a normal part of family and society. Eight years and two prison sentences later, I finally submitted to an evaluation, realizing how unbelievably selfish and arrogant I had been to make my children suffer.

Evaluated for ManKind

God actually led me to the ARMS ManKind program. I had the evaluation, thinking there was no way I would be recommended for treatment. I expected a pass, only to find that I was not only recommended for the treatment-but rated as high risk.

Most of my life I held various roles of leadership, and I did not connect my addictive and abusive behaviors with wrong thinking patterns of power and control.

Something mentioned during my assessment haunted me, “Your history of leadership roles does not mean you were abuse free. On the contrary, power and control can very easily be abused in leadership.”

Reluctantly I agreed to begin the program. Although I still did not believe I needed it, God did deal with me on being teachable. He wanted to bring me into a position of humility to receive what blinded me. The first couple of months I still felt out of place, but eventually, I became aware of my need and even accepted that it would take some time to identify wrong beliefs, past abusive behaviors, and learn new beliefs and my true identity in God. It was not long before I saw that indeed I had been abusive for most, if not all of my adult life before and after becoming a Christian.

Healing From ARMS ManKind

For the next several months I was systematically peeled like an onion. God used the ARMS ManKind program to help me make changes that I could not have done any other way.

ARMS equipped me to be a more effective leader for my family and in the church.

I am remarried to an incredible woman who has stood by me through this process. It is beyond a shadow of a doubt that the ARMS ManKind program has helped our relationship and given me new perception. They equipped me with tools needed to maintain healthy relationships, even in sometimes very difficult circumstances.

-name withheld