I Knew Domestic Violence

I was a child who witnessed domestic violence and drug use from a very young age. Violence was a learned behavior. I never saw myself as a bad person, but doing bad things was acceptable. Then I saw a shift in what I thought was socially acceptable after doing a lengthy prison sentence for stabbing somebody. When I came out of that situation, I felt a lot of anger and I honestly didn’t know how to process and deal with it until recently.

In every relationship that I have been in as an adult, I’ve been selfish, irresponsible, unfaithful, physically and mentally abusive to my partners. My abuse has caused my victims fear and the feeling of constantly walking on eggshells. It’s affected their work and caused financial loss. My abuse has caused my victims to lose their self-worth. My behavior has taught my son that it’s okay to be abusive. This cost him relationships with friends and family.

Drinking

One night I chose to drink until I blacked out and tried to kill my ex-girlfriend over a game we argued about. I woke up with a hangover and realized that I was in jail. Not knowing what I was in jail for was pretty concerning. In that moment,  I realized I needed to make some serious changes. When I finally got out of jail, made the decision to stay sober, get help with my anger choice of domestic violence, I reached out to ARMS.

When I first started the program, I was highly resistant to change and overly argumentative. The longer I stayed in the program (and as I saw people changing around me), I became more open and receptive. If I’d actually take this program seriously, I may become a better person. Once I listened with an open mind, I saw useful information in the program that actually helps me even today.

What I Learned from ManKind

The main things that I learned from my ARMS ManKind classes are the ability to communicate openly to my partner, have rational conversations without being defensive or having to put up my guard, and to stop assuming my girlfriend is against me.

I did pretty horrible things to the people around me. I used to believe I was always right and that manipulation was no big deal but I learned I’m not always right and that’s okay. Abuse in any form is never okay.

I am fully responsible for my abuse. I made the choice to abuse every single time. No one made me be abusive but I’m living proof that people can change if they want to. And if they are willing to put in the hard work. I learned to have healthy, loving, normal adult relationships. It would not have been possible without the help of Mankind.

Just because I went through ManKind at ARMS doesn’t mean I’m cured. I still have daily struggles. Especially getting pissed off in traffic. But I’m not running around beating people up anymore. Another thing that I have taken from ARMS ManKind is I’m not a bad person. Yes, I’ve done bad things in the past. But I am not bad.

It feels good to know I could grow and change from the person that I used to be!

I am sincerely thankful for the ARMS abuse recovery team and their abuse recovery programs.