Right after high school, I started dating someone. Things got serious fast. He started talking about marriage about four months into dating. It threw me for a loop! It was NOT what I had planned. He claimed to be a Believer and was a great guy, I figured God had different plans for my life, so we married and had a child.

There was a thick tension in the air whenever I came home from work. Degrading comments toward myself and our daughter became more frequent and personal. His behavior continued to escalate. For a long time, I attributed his behavior to “having a bad day at work.” Whenever I talked with him about how his behavior affected us, though, he always had an excuse. It took me a long time to recognize that what was happening was more than a stressful day. Part of me wanted to deny that it was abuse, and the other part of me was pretty sure that it was.

It took someone outside of our family accidentally hearing about what was going on in our home and telling me, “this is abuse!” to confirm my worst fear. A few weeks later, I decided we needed a separation. During this time, he apologized for his behavior and committed to making changes, so I thought we were on track to be together again. Long story short, the four years following our separation were hell on earth. I had prayed for years for the Lord to show me what to do and how to be a godly wife. I was afraid of my husband’s wrath if he found out I was looking for help.

God paved the way for me to move out and for it to go smoothly. Still, I doubted myself. Was I making too big of a deal out of this? Should I have given him one more chance? A friend had attended the Her Journey program several years prior and told me how much it helped her.

Desperate to figure out how to heal and move forward, I decided to try it out. I walked through that door for the first time with what I’d come to see on each new person’s face as they walked in the door: a haunted, scared look.

I don’t remember much about the lessons the first time I went through them. I was numb, hurting, and overwhelmed, but I made myself go even on the nights that I just wanted to stay home. As I’ve continued going through the program, God has used each lesson to help me along my journey of healing, and I have learned something new or felt encouraged.

He’s reminded me that He’s with me in the valley. I came to Her Journey in a deep dark space. I was depressed on multiple levels. I was facing a loss of a relationship. I was feeling guilty for not being able to protect my kids from their dad, for staying so long and giving so many chances. I felt God guiding, refreshing, and restoring me to the person He created me to be.

I came to Her Journey full of despair and guilt, but God has used this program to help me move forward. The despair is gone. He loves me deeply, and His love never ends. For that, I will be forever grateful.

-Heather

 

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