I’ve suffered from depression since I was a teenager. Most of my memories from that time are of late nights spent crying and feeling so alone. I suffered quietly, as I never sought help or told my parents who were dealing with hardships of their own. It wasn’t until years later that I finally began therapy and opened up about my struggles.
God Sees You
On one especially emotional and challenging night, I vividly remember hearing God’s voice. I was not yet a believer and didn’t perceive it as His voice. But He spoke clear words of encouragement that kept me going when I wanted to give up. Before I even knew Him, He saw me.
Clinging To Truth
Now even with my strong faith, I am still burdened by my depression. I understand it as a flaw in my brain chemistry and hormone imbalance rather than a lack of faith. There are moments, however, when the enemy says otherwise and tries to plant lies. If I prayed and trusted God more, I wouldn’t be so depressed.
How is it that even when I cling to His truth over my life, there are still days that I feel so alone and forgotten?
Psalm 42 speaks to this. The psalm begins with an image of a thirsty deer longing for water. The psalmist describes his longing for God amidst his continual suffering day in and day out. He speaks of his unrest and despair. “My tears have been my food day and night, while all day long people say to me, ‘Where is your God?’” (v3). Those around him see his agony and mock him. There’s no doubt this made him feel like a terrible witness for the Lord as others questioned his faith.
The Power of Remembrance
What is encouraging in this passage is that although the believer is cast down, he chooses to remember the goodness of God. He consciously sets his mind on more joyful times of the past when he was in church, worshipping and surrounded by God’s people. “I remember this…how I walked with many, leading the festive procession to the house of God, with joyful and thankful shouts” (v4).
Sometimes, it is easier to choose to dwell on memories that bring you farther down instead of lifting you up. Because depression can be isolating, it is important to remember the times God has been faithful to you, and most importantly, that you are not alone. It takes an increase in courage to lift yourself out of a hard place. Thankfully, we can ask the Holy Spirit to give us the strength to do so.
Further in the Psalm, the writer internalizes the questions. “Why, my soul, are you so dejected? Why are you in such turmoil?” (v5) Do you ever notice when you are speaking harshly to yourself? There are many negative thoughts we tell ourselves every day. It is in your control to choose to succumb to the hurtful things you say to yourself. Instead, grow in the practice of speaking kind words. This may seem useless if you don’t believe the words you’re speaking, but in time you will begin to believe those kind words.
A Reason to Rejoice
You can encourage yourself and set your mind on God’s promise over your life. “Put your hope in God, for I will still praise him.” (v5) Jesus invites us into His joy. The beauty of seeking joy from Him moves past all circumstances and can be found regardless of our situation. In my trials, I can always find one reason to rejoice in His faithfulness.
If you struggle with depression, remember that God the Father sees you and loves you. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 800-273-8255 if you are experiencing a crisis or emotional distress. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) is a great resource as well for survivors.
You are supported and loved.
God sees you.
by Alyssa
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