-by E.C.

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth,

nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8: 38-39 AKJV

Due to emotional abuse, I grew up believing love meant working hard for someone’s affections. Love was defined for me as something I had to chase. This belief system led me into a string of unhealthy relationships where I was always the one giving, pursuing, and hoping that one day someone would notice my worth and cherish me. Yet, there was always a void inside my heart and life that nothing seemed to fill.

After my second failed engagement, I was at the end of my rope. I was sick and tired of always being sick and tired. I knocked on a counselor’s door and cried, “If I am crazy, please medicate me.” I was done constantly seeking a man’s affection and never finding it. I was done living in a circular pattern of feeling unworthy to be loved. Why were my relationships failing so miserably?!? Why couldn’t I seem to find happiness?!? The counselor smiled at me and said, “come on in, I think you are asking me to help you learn ‘how’ to be loved.”

As I began to process this profound statement in our counseling sessions, I encountered a totally different kind of love. This love was patient, kind, soft-spoken, gracious, forgiving, and most of all it noticed me in a way that no one had ever noticed me before. This was the love of God. This encounter shifted something inside of my heart and life. I no longer felt the need to try to earn a man’s affection because of God’s love for me. His love is more than enough. (What a revolutionary way of thinking!)

From this place of being loved by God, I learned how to love others. In 2020, while going through soul care: 7 transformational principles for a healthy soul for the third time, I met the man of my dreams. He is my best friend, confidante, and more than I could have ever imagined a husband to be. He reminds me daily of God’s love for me.

Fifteen years ago, I wouldn’t have believed this was possible. No amount of persuading would have convinced me that I would be living a life filled with this kind of love. How did this happen?!? How did I get over the hurdles and hurts of my past?!? … very slowly and with time. It started with learning how to accept God’s love for ME.