You don’t know what I had to endure. Let’s be honest, people don’t want to know what lies beneath the surface of fun and laughter. You will never know what someone is going through unless you have walked in their shoes. Smiling, I would join along in others’ laughter but on the other side, I was trying to figure out how my life was falling apart.

As a strong leader, intelligent, bold woman such as myself, how could I have ever been plagued by abuse and destruction? It slowly crept into my relationship until it ran so deep that I would ask myself, “Was I even present?”

One time my abuser head-butted the right side of my face causing it to smash up against the car window. I slammed on my brakes in the middle of the road. Put the car in park, flung the door open, and jumped out as fast as I could. I ran into the dark parking lot across the street. I was crying uncontrollably when a person at the restaurant asked if I was okay and if I wanted to come inside. I dialed my brother’s number but quickly hung up due to the embarrassment of being seen as the weakest sibling and a daughter with no backbone. What kind of strong independent woman allows herself to be treated this way? I couldn’t leave my kids at home with him. I needed to stay a little longer. I didn’t have enough money and anywhere I could go with the kids.

After the abuse, there was no guilt, no shame, no regret in the eyes of my abuser. Everything horrible thing that happened would quickly disappear into the night, never to resurface again. But I held onto the fear of judgment. The fear of the pain.

I hated my life, but worried God would be displeased if I was divorced. I listened to every lie that kept me in bondage.

I finally came to the point in my life where I was wanting more. I wanted more for my children and myself. I began searching for opportunities for help. I filed a restraining order against my abuser. I was introduced to ARMS. I was so elated that there was somewhere I could go where other women understood what I’d experienced. It felt like a weight lifted and I was finally filled with hope.

I remember my first day in the Her Journey group. I learned I had experienced every type of abuse. I was shocked but it gave me a sense of understanding. I finally knew all the things I went through weren’t my fault. I didn’t have to carry the burden of being a failure.

ARMS gave me hope and provided a community of support when my family and friends didn’t understand. Her Journey has allowed me to bring down my walls and start the process of healing and is one of the biggest reasons why I am so strong today.

ARMS Her Journey caused my faith to grow. The trauma I’ve experienced isn’t who I am, but just part of my story. Again, you don’t know what people have had to endure and the pain that gets hidden inside. Her Journey provided me with an amazing opportunity to have a fresh start with knowledge and support in a safe place.

I’m grateful.

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