Many were shocked at last month’s interview with Oprah interviewing Price Harry and Meghan (Duke and Duchess of Sussex). While admitting that there is oppression in the Royal Family, Prince Harry and his wife were true aristocrats. They showed grief and pain and yet at the same time, were gracious and loving to the Queen.
Harry moved to leave official duties because of his wife’s mental health. Meghan was struggling to cope in the Royal Family and had a mental health crisis. She became suicidal. Harry reports that they went to the family and the staff several times and no help was offered. Harry also admitted to being hurt by his father. He spoke vulnerably, also sharing that he intends to continue working on the relationship.
One would wonder if Princess Diana felt much of the oppression in that Palace, as well.
There is abuse in families of prestige
Prestige is not an indication that we in the industry usually look for. In fact, if you review our commonly-used risk and lethality assessments, you will see quite the opposite. We have questions such as “is he unemployed”? And yet, we see men of employment and prestige in the media all the time who have been abusive. Here at ARMS, we work with many survivors whose abusers are at the top-of-the-ladder in social or financial prestige. We have worked with wives of mayors, senators, governors, evangelists and successful and known company presidents.
Kelle Lawrence, an intern at SCARS and DV survivor, once had a CPS worker inform her that a home visit went very well. The house was clean, they did not see any drugs or alcohol. Therefore, abuse must not be present. “We have a constant stream of powerful men who are abusive.” She says, “they do not fit the stereotype we have of an unemployed man in a messy house or trailer, sitting around and drinking beer.”
A Societal Stereotype
Chris Huffine, Psy.D. and founder of Allies in Change, feels that there are a variety of reasons for this stereotype. “Wealthier men may have more tactics available that are nonphysical that they use to control.” He says. “In addition, there is greater social pressure to not call the police and sometimes the law might be more willing to ‘look the other way’ when it comes to people with money. Wealthier men can also afford attorneys to avoid prosecution.”
On the flip side, wealthier survivors may have more alternatives to get safe. In addition, we’ve seen that wealthier survivors are not usually offered the same amount of services. “Because of what I wore, and because I worked, I was not offered as much help as others when I left my abuser,” Kelle states.
King David’s Precedent
In one of the most famous Biblical stories of power, prestige also played a role. King David (who waited 20 years to become King), used his position of power when he sent messengers to ask about Bathsheba and to bring her to him. It’s good that we don’t have all the details of what then occurred. We don’t know whether Bathsheba was raped or seduced, but some would say it makes no difference. From a position of power over someone else, the act of even seducing someone is wrong and some would say equal to rape.
CNN reports that the Royal Palace says they are “saddened” by Harry and Meghan appearing on Oprah. They are saddened to learn of the several hard events and times that the couple have experienced. Also, they recognize there is work to be done and will follow through. Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be well-loved by the Family. They, of course, did feel that these issues should have been addressed in private, not public.
Leave A Comment