When Claire was just in high school, she was in an abusive relationship for four years. It was her first serious relationship and she didn’t recognize the warning signs until they began progressing. Her abuser isolated her from friends and family, so when she needed help she had no one she could turn to.
The subtle psychological abuse only got worse and worse.
“It got to the point where if I didn’t do what he wanted, I was afraid that he would do something to harm himself,” Claire said.
Claire started to recognize the unhealthy treatment she was receiving from her partner. She knew it wasn’t what she deserved. Once she was able to put a name to it, she found courage to seek help.
Abuser Raised in the Church
Claire and her abuser both grew up in the church and were raised in the Christian faith. However, despite her abuser’s Christian upbringing, Claire knew deep down that something was wrong. By the time she was in college, she decided to end the relationship after four years before it could get any worse.
“I never saw how unhealthy it really was,” Claire said. “It is so hard to see things clearly while you’re in the relationship, so it’s difficult to know why you need to leave.”
The moment she decided to leave is when things began to change for the better. Claire found the answers she was looking for. “After the relationship ended, I learned about the Biblical view of abuse. Knowing this changed my whole perspective. Before I had only seen things in the lens of the abuse. His abuse changed my view of myself and affected my confidence. In my process of healing I was reminded to define myself in Christ and remember who HE says I am.”
Claire first heard about ARMS through her school which works closely with our organization. She now leads a virtual recovery group while also pursuing a BSW degree in Social Work with a focus in human trafficking. She has a deep passion for supporting others in their own journey toward healing from abuse. This kind of support was the most helpful tool for her recovery and what brought her comfort during a time of hurting.
We Have a Choice to Say “No” to Abuse
“I recognize the value in sitting with someone wherever they are in the process. My goal is to listen, empathize, and remind them that they have a choice to say no to abuse.”
From working with ARMS this past year, Claire has gained valuable knowledge of how she can work with survivors and offenders to understand how abuse affects one’s mindset. By using the tools and skills she is gifted with, Claire hopes to do work which glorifies Him and makes an impact, whether big or small. The ARMS team is certain she will make a big difference in the lives of those she reaches.
Claire learned that healing from abuse is a gradual process and is something we can seek from God. Shame has no place in our hearts because He reminds us we are loved no matter what we’ve gone through.
If you have healed from your abuse and are interested in becoming a Her Journey leader, learn more here.
I agree that it is hard to see abuse on the inside. I never saw it on the inside. Professionals had to point it out to me after I sought guidance when my husband left me for another woman after 12 years six months after being ordained as a pastor.
Not unusual, Wendy. You are not alone in that. So glad you were willing to look at it when the professionals pointed out the possibility. Sorry for the pain of all that you have been through. You deserve so much better. Sending you a ((hug)) and a prayer today.
I truly desire to start a healing ministry for women in abusive marriages. I suffered 12 years. I have a women’s ministry. Where do I begin ?
Sent you an email, Dr. Robinson! Thanks for reading!